


in death and in life

by Stars_dreaming (orphan_account)



Series: 88 MCU drabbles and oneshots [66]
Category: Avengers (Comics), Hawkeye (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sokovia Accords, Background Relationships, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, F/M, Gunshot Wounds, Implied Sexual Content, Love, Male-Female Friendship, Marriage Proposal, Mild Language, Minor Bucky Barnes/Sam Wilson, Minor Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Near Death Experiences, Non-Graphic Violence, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-16 13:40:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18692632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Stars_dreaming
Summary: She's tired from the medicines they made her take, so Clint puts her in bed before she can protest."Marry me," he blurts out, because he doesn't want to wait. They could die and god, he doesn't want to regret not doing it.She doesn't respond, but he knows she's awake.





	in death and in life

The first time it happens they're on - what should have been - a recon mission. 

They're ambushed and even though all of them know how to fight, they don't have their suits or weapons with them - only a few handguns and knives. 

They're on the docks and she stands near the edge when a sharp pain shoots through her stomach, and she falls backwards, into the ice-cold water.

She can vaguely hear someone yell something, but the water surrounds her before she can hear exactly what it is. 

 

Clint sees her falling and his brain short-circuits. He punches the man in front of him on the nose and jumps in after her. 

_Can't lose her, can't lose, don't want to lose her, please don't leave me--_

He spots her floating in the water, with a bit of red around her, and that's when he spots the wound in her stomach, and he almost swallows in the water around him. 

 

Later, when they've stitched her wounds and she's back in their room - it's his but she's with him so many times that it's practically theirs - he thinks about what could have happened. 

And the fear of losing her is still there, it's ever present, waiting to be released. 

She's standing with her back to him, and he circles his arms around her waist and presses a kiss to her naked shoulder. 

She turns in his arms and smiles at him. 

"Marry me," he blurts out, and he can feel her tense in his arms. She doesn't respond and only kisses him, soft and sweet.

He pushes the thought out of his head as they lay down on the bed, and he nuzzles her neck before falling asleep. 

 

* * *

 

 

The second time it happens she's out on a mission with Sam, Bucky and Tony.

Clint is just in the living room with Natasha, massaging her feet, when Bucky bursts in, carrying a body. 

"Move, move!" Sam shouts, and Clint jumps up as they put the body on the couch. His breath gets caught in his throat when he sees it's her, and he almost starts crying right then and there when he notices the amount of blood staining her clothes and dripping on the floor. 

"She's losing too much blood," Tony says hastily into his phone. There is a response that Clint can't hear, and Tony puts the phone away. 

"I need a towel," Sam says. "Some alcohol or hot water and something to make sure she stays awake."

Tony and Bucky sprint away.

Her eyes open and she blinks, before she lifts her head and looks at Clint. She groans as Sam rips the fabric of her suit open and reveals the deep wound. It's already clotting in her clothes and the room smells like blood. 

"Hey baby," she whispers, and then, "Ah shit, that hurts, Sam!" 

Sam is close to panicking, Clint notices, but so is he and the only thing keeping him away from her is Natasha. She has her hands on his chest and is speaking on a low tone in his ear. 

"-going to be okay, Clint. She's going to be okay-" he hears.

 

Bucky and Tony come back with towels and a bowl of water and more things that Clint can't see. 

"Bruce and Helen will be here any minute," Tony says as Sam starts to work. 

He puts some alcohol on a small towel and starts cleaning the wound. She hisses on the couch but doesn't move an inch and Clint is weirdly proud of her. 

When he's done, he starts cleaning the blood on her skin around the wound, but since there's still blood coming out, it's not much of a help. 

Sam huffs and takes a bigger towel and presses it hard against the wound. "Bucky, hold the towel in place. Press firmly." Bucky does so without asking, and Sam opens a small bottle and holds it under her nose. She scrunches her nose, and then her eyes fly wide open. 

"Do I have to?" She asks softly. Sam puts his hand on her forehead and nods - keeps the bottle under her nose again. She breathes in deeply. "Just stay awake," Sam mumbles. "You need to stay awake." 

 _"Blood loss is forty percent,"_ Friday states. It sends the room in a frenzy, because they know forty is already close to death and if it moves higher, she can't be saved. Luckily, Bruce and Dr. Cho burst in right at that moment, and they operate her on the couch. 

Tony pulls a face at the blood on the couch and the carpet. 

"Friday, order a new couch and a new carpet please." "On it, boss." 

 

She's a fast healer thanks to the formula, and so she can sleep in their bedroom that evening. 

She's tired from the medicines they made her take, so Clint puts her in bed before she can protest. 

"Marry me," he blurts out again, because he doesn't want to wait since she can be taken from him any moment. They could die and god, he doesn't want to regret not doing it. 

She doesn't respond, but he knows she's awake. He blames it on the medicines and lays down next to her.

A soft sigh escapes her lips and he kisses the back of her neck. "I love you," he whispers before the room goes dark.

 

* * *

 

 

She and Bucky follow a lead on Hydra in Europe for three weeks, but they end up with nothing and return home empty-handed. 

Clint himself is out on another lead on Hydra with Natasha and Sam, and Steve and Tony are enjoying a short vacation in Malibu, so the only ones left in the Compound are Wanda, Vision, Rhodey and Bruce. 

Bruce goes to some sort of science meeting, Wanda and Vision take a weekend off for themselves and Rhodey goes upstate for a few weeks again, so that means they're all alone. 

 

It happens when they're not expecting it. 

They're both in the living room, eating breakfast and watching some cartoons Steve made them watch, when the glass breaks and someone starts shooting. 

They both immediately duck to the ground and when it stops, Bucky is the first to get up. He spots the shooters and pulls out his own gun and shoots and hits. He doesn't know if he got all of them, but he does know they won't try again. 

His breath hitches when he sees her against the couch, with her hands on her chest. There's blood seeping out. 

"Oh no," Bucky whispers, and he quickly picks her up and carries her to the medical bay. 

 

Nobody is there but he knows that if the bullet doesn't get out and the bleeding doesn't stop, she won't make it, super-healing or not. 

Friday helps him through the entire process and when he's done, he throws up in a bucket in a corner while she sleeps on the table. 

He's never becoming a doctor. 

 

The others have already been called and Clint leaves the mission (for which he gets a scolding from both Steve and Tony) to go home. 

 

She's fine, she says. "It doesn't even hurt anymore," she assures him when they're in bed. She's lying underneath him, and he kisses her naked body wherever he can reach. She moans as he rolls his hips again. 

In the heat of the moment, he blurts it out again. "Marry me," he whispers, and they both pretend he didn't say it. 

 

* * *

 

 

They ambush a group of Hydra agents that are hiding out in Costa Rica. 

It's quick and fast, but in the end, she gets shot in her shoulder. The bullet pierces her bone and comes out on the other side. It's already healing when they reach her, but she still curses when she has to lift her arm. 

"You have to stop getting shot," Sam grumbles. She laughs and lets Clint pick her up. He kisses her and the others make obnoxious noises. 

He almost blurts it out again but decides against it because they're not alone. 

 

In their hotel room they are alone, and she undresses in front of him. He just stares at her, at all the scars on her body, and he thinks she's beautiful. 

"Marry me," he says again, and she pretends she didn't hear it as she walks into the bathroom. 

He follows her inside the shower and presses her up against the wall. They forget about it and only focus on each other. 

 

* * *

 

 

They're almost done burning Hydra's secret bases when they stumble upon one that still has Hydra agents inside. 

All of them - Natasha, Sam, Tony, Clint and Wanda - get locked inside separate cells. 

 

Two days later they get hauled out of their cells and Clint kisses her. She kisses him back and he feels that she's crying when she pulls back, and he caresses her cheek. 

"You're alive," she whispers through her tears, and she smiles, "my god Clint, I thought I would never see you again." 

She kisses him again, short and sweet, and then the Hydra agents start pouring in. 

 

A bullet grazes his knee and then an agent kicks him on the wound, leaving Clint on the ground. 

The others finish up the Hydra agents and then she pulls him up on his legs. Wobbly but alive, they walk out of the base. 

Once they're out in the clear air and the sun, Clint smiles. He takes Natasha's arm and leaves her to talk to Tony and Steve. 

When he turns around, however, he can see her eyes go wide and her hand touches her side. It's bleeding. Then she falls to the ground. 

"Y/N!" He cries out, and everyone turns and looks. Steve wastes no time and picks her up. 

They leave in the Quinjet and Bruce operates her inside it. 

"This hurts like a fucking bitch," she says through clenched teeth as Bruce finishes her stitches. He gives her some medicine and then goes to help the others. 

 

Clint lays on one of the beds in the back of the Quinjet when she walks in and sits by the bed. She takes his hand and her thumb makes soothing circles on his hand. 

He turns his head to look at her, and whispers, "Marry me."

She kisses him softly, and he falls asleep soon after.

 

* * *

 

 

The thing is, no matter what happens, Clint knows that there is an end. 

Their work is dangerous and they've already come close to death more times than he can count. 

And it still scares him. Not so much the thought of death or losing his own life - he's come to terms with it a long time ago - but losing her. 

He is a lot more vulnerable than she is without super-healing, but she's on the ground and he's in the sky. It's riskier for her. 

And he loves her - he loves her so much that he can't bear the thought of going on without her. 

 

He doesn't want to regret things that didn't happen. 

He doesn't want to lose her and then think of things they should have done. 

She's too important to him.

 

* * *

 

 

After three months of safety and soft 'I love you''s in bed, the entire team gets sent on a mission in Cuba.

There is an underground Hydra system there, and they need to root it out. 

 

Bucky is their sniper, as usual, but this time Clint is on the ground too. He stays back to back with Natasha and helps the others enter the facility. 

Natasha leaves as last and Clint turns around, just in time to catch his next two attackers. 

They get shot, but then another bullet pierces his arm and he screams out in agony, because that shit fucking hurts.

 

He passes out on the ground before the others can reach him.

 

* * *

 

 

He's on the couch four days later, with an arm that still hurts, when Natasha flops down next to him. 

"Your wife punched Bucky in the face," she says nonchalantly. 

"She did?" Clint asks, ignoring the 'wife' comment. 

"Yeah." Natasha grins at him. "It was amazing." 

"Huh," Clint says, and he looks at the tv. 

"It felt amazing," someone declares behind him. Natasha leaves as quickly as she came and leaves the two alone. 

 

Y/N sits down next to him. 

"How's your arm?" She asks. 

He looks at it and shrugs - immediately regrets it because that hurts too. 

"It's okay," he says, and she lifts an eyebrow, and he knows she doesn't believe it. 

It doesn't matter, though. 

"Listen," she says, and she grabs his hand, "about the marriage proposals."

Now all his attention is on her and he tenses. 

"It's not that I don't want to marry you Clint, because god I do. But I don't want to marry you based on fear. You only ask me when we're wounded or when I almost died. I want to marry you because I'm happy with you and not because I'm scared to lose you." 

She kisses him. Clint understands. 

"I just..." he sighs. "I just don't want to regret the things we should have done." 

She smiles. "Let's get married when we retire, okay? When we have a home by a lake, and we can watch the sunset together, and maybe we can raise a little family." 

She leans in and kisses him again. He sighs against her lips. "Okay," he whispers, and she smiles. 

She kisses him again. 

 


End file.
